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sábado, 3 de octubre de 2015

How did I get home last night? My bizarre, panicked life as a blackout drinker

I fell down staircases. I woke up in strange homes. When you love booze like I did, it's amazing what you'll ignore

SARAH HEPOLA

READ ORIGINAL POST HERE

A photo of the author in college

The following is adapted and excerpted from "Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget," coming out June 23 (Grand Central).

I met my friend Allison at a Mexican restaurant. We hadn’t seen each other in years. It had been so long that, as I scanned the menu and failed to listen to the waiter recite the evening’s specials, I couldn’t stop my mind from tunneling back through time in an effort to pinpoint when we last hung out. This is a form of bragging for me. I pride myself on remembering more than anyone else.

“I know,” I said. “Your 36th birthday party,” and I smacked the table like it was a buzzer.

“You’re right!” she said.

That party was such a blast. Three years later, I can still remember so much about it: How her cozy Park Slope apartment was strung up with Christmas lights. How I planned to stop by for a quick drink, maybe three, before heading to another party across town. How I charmed her chic 20-something colleagues from the online fashion magazine with my big ideas about female comedians and sex.

But of all the details I can summon, one I cannot is how I got home that night. Trying to remember the end of that evening now is like watching a movie with a reel of film missing. I’m talking to this girl on the back porch, I’m laughing with this girl on the back porch, and then … the screen goes blank. CUT TO: Me, in my Williamsburg loft at 6 a.m., the white curtains billowing in the breeze.

I’d had blackouts since the first time I got drunk. If you’ve never had a blackout, then you might not understand the singular horror of waking up to discover that time is missing. People often confuse blackout with passing out, but the experiences are quite different. A person who is passed out is unconscious. A person in a blackout is very much awake: Walking, talking, singing bad karaoke. You keep going, even as your long-term memory shuts down. Sometimes my blackouts were only a few minutes, a temporary outage, but a few lasted hours, and the first 10 seconds of a hungover Sunday morning were a checklist of panic: Did I remember how I got home? Was anyone lying beside me? Did I have any cuts or bruises? I woke to strange data sets. Orange juice on the counter, refrigerator door flapping open. My vibrator tossed on the living room couch. Once I woke up with a half-eaten corn dog in my hand and a smear of mustard across my face. But I was starving, so I ate it.

Allison leaned in at the table. “Oh my God, do you remember that night?” she asked, and I braced myself. Anyone with a drinking history learns to hate those words. The wrecking ball is about to arrive.

“Actually, I don’t,” I said.

“You fell down my staircase.”

I covered my face with my hands and peeked at Allison through the slats of my fingers. “Yeah, I used to do that.“

“My stairs were marble,” she said. “It was terrifying. Honestly, I’d never seen anything like it. You don’t remember this at all?”

No, but I was familiar with the habit. By my mid-30s, I had drunkenly tumbled down rickety outdoor wooden steps and glamorous winding staircases. I don’t know what’s crazier: That I drank as long as I did, or that I kept wearing heels. Once, I tripped down the narrow metal staircase of a Turkish restaurant on the Lower East Side of Manhattan and wound up in St. Vincent’s hospital with a concussion and the world’s most excruciating hangover. But what was most remarkable about these extravagant nosedives was how painless and without consequence they often were. I’d get up, dust myself off, and grab another drink. OK. What’s next?

“I can’t even remember how I got home that night,” I told Allison.

“Oh I remember,” she said. “We put you in a cab.”

Thank God for cabbies. Other people can give teary testimonials to the cops and the fire department, but as far as I’m concerned, cabbies are the superheroes of New York City. They have ferried me safely home when I couldn’t see straight — I mean, when I literally held one hand over an eye to keep from spinning. They have driven me up and down the same few blocks while I tried to figure out which of the blurry row houses was my blurry row house.

“I’m so sorry,” I said to Allison, hands still shielding my face, as though I could somehow hold in the embarrassment.

“No, I’m sorry,” she said. “I felt bad putting you in that cab. I wanted you to stay the night at my place.”

“But I refused, I’m sure.”

“You wouldn’t hear of it.”

In addition to being a sot, I was stubborn to boot. I sometimes bristled when people tried to take care of me, as though they were telling me I threw like a girl. I’d stagger off into the night: I’ll show you. Whenever I woke up on a friend’s couch, it was a sign that something had gone wrong. Not only had I been too drunk to remember; I’d been too drunk to escape.

When the blackouts first started happening, they could derail me for days. In college, I woke up from one blackout feeling like a kidnapping victim emerging from the trunk of a car: How did I get here? Who did this to me? In my 20s, I’d spend hours writhing in bed trying to reconstruct the night, imagining with a full-body cringe what boozy gimmick I’d pulled from my bag of tricks: Did I flash a stranger? Throw beer in people’s faces? Force everyone to watch me perform songs from “Jesus Christ Superstar”? But by the age of 33, when I went to Allison’s party, I had grown weary of these convulsions of anxiety. I was the kind of person who could spend an hour flinching over a misplaced comma in a story; I didn’t need to take a deep dive into what might or might not have occurred in the course of two lost hours.

So what I can remember about waking up after Allison’s party is that I simply did not remember. If I had any bruises or scrapes from my fall, they did not throb or otherwise snag my attention, a detail that is sad in its own quiet, neglectful way. I woke up, alone, in my own bed. My earrings had been removed and placed in the bathroom drawer. As far as I could see, nothing was amiss.

I wondered that morning if I should text Allison. “Had a great time last night! The part I can remember was amazing!” Or maybe I should call and apologize. But apologize for what, exactly? I needed my own fill-in-the-blank letter of apology:

“Dear so-and-so. I’m terribly sorry that I _________ last night. You must have felt very _________ when I _________. I drank too much _________ that night, and I was not in my right mind.”

In the end, I sacked out on my futon, watched a marathon of reality TV and ordered pad thai. It was years till Allison and I saw each other again.

I avoided a great deal in those days. I avoided credit card bills that piled up on the counter. I avoided full-length mirrors. I avoided doctors, since I did not have insurance. I avoided going to the same bodegas and wine stores too often, keeping several in my regular rotation lest the cashiers get any ideas about me. And when I behaved badly in the company of a drinking companion, I simply avoided her, too. This was incredibly easy to do in a city where “the G train” served as a suitable excuse for failing to visit close friends.

I should have just emailed Allison. It wouldn’t have been hard. But there was something so debasing about having to ask another person: What did I do? Can you help me remember?

Instead, I mentioned my evening to a friend who lived down the street. “I’m sure you were fine,” she said, and gave me a comforting rub on the back. The white lies women tell each other: You look great in that dress. No one will notice that thing on your head. I’m sure you were fine.

Surely, I was fine. I was fine, sure. She and I cracked a bottle of red wine in her apartment, and it was like my insides shifted back into place. OK. What’s next?

“I was worried about you that night,” Allison told me at the restaurant.

“I’m sorry,” I said. It was the fifth time I’d said it. I wish the vocabulary here were more varied. I’m sorry. I apologize. I wish I hadn’t done that. Part of the reason I stopped calling friends the morning after was that I grew tired of hearing the same dumb words crawl out of my mouth. I got tired of hearing the same words from them, too: I’m worried about you. You need to keep it together. And then part of the reason I stopped calling was that I didn’t want to know what happened. I couldn’t hear it anymore. Every problem drinker struggles with denial, but blackout drinkers have a particular burden. If you don’t remember a thing — did it really happen? The blackouts were a terror, but the blackouts were a kind of protection too, like someone pulling the shade down in front of my drunken behavior and telling me I didn’t really need to know.

If I reflect on my drinking years now, what I remember first is how amazing they were. The promise of a cold beer in my tired hands, the perfect pop of a cork coaxed from the bottle at 6 p.m. Drinking rescued me from the dull ache of ordinary life — a life spent waiting for life to begin — and I can’t imagine my college years, the wandering of my 20s, the striving of my early 30s without it. Alcohol was the glue that bound everything together: my friendships with women, my romances with men. Even my career in media seemed to improve with a glass of wine in my hand. Sometimes I think I won’t ever feel lighter, or more powerful, than when I was drinking.

“You sure drink fast,” a guy would say, watching me down a beer, and I would lick the foam from my lips. Damn straight.

But if I dig deeper, it’s not long before I remember the blackouts. How disorienting and spooky they were. I could not shake the fear of what could have happened but didn’t. What did happen — and couldn’t be fixed.

I tried so many tricks to avoid them. I stopped drinking bourbon. I drank a glass of water between cocktails. I cut out red wine before dinner, and then red wine after dinner. I moved to a new city. I got a new job. I went on antidepressants. I pledged myself to the gods of yoga and Vitamin Water. But here is the truth that I could not outrun: When I drank, I kept drinking. And if I drank enough — and God knows, I usually did — I would black out. It wasn’t an accident; it was an inevitability.

It’s been five years since I quit, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it sometimes. But for all the crashing good times that drinking gave me, it brought me so much shame. So much horror. So much regret. So many conversations like that evening with Allison, four years ago, when my dark past landed in my lap like a tossed grenade. The blackouts are what leveled me, and they haunt me still. The nights I can’t remember are the nights I can never forget.


GET THE BOOK HERE





viernes, 7 de agosto de 2015

Ann Rule

Ann Rule, crime writer - obituary

Crime writer who discovered she had befriended the serial killer Ted Bundy



Ann Rule, born October 22 1931, died July 26 2015


Ann Rule, who has died aged 83, was struggling to make a living as a freelance crime writer when she discovered that the charming young man beside whom she had answered phones as a volunteer at a Seattle crisis centre was a serial killer; she wrote about him in The Stranger Beside Me (1980) and went on to dominate the American true-crime market with more than 30 bestsellers.

Her colleague on the hotline was Ted Bundy, former boy scout and law student who, in the mid-1970s, went on a murderous rampage, raping and killing 30 or 40 women – Ann Rule believed the true number could have been more than 100 – before he was put to death in Florida’s electric chair in 1989.

Bundy came across as a decent all-American boy. Ann Rule recalled that she had felt safe in his company: “He would walk me to my car when my shift was over and he would say, 'Ann, be sure your doors are locked. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you on the way home.’ ” Even after they stopped working together they remained friends.
Then, in 1974 women in the Seattle area started disappearing and, in an odd twist, Ann Rule landed a $10,000 book deal to write about the disappearances, not knowing that Bundy was responsible, but with the caveat that there would be no book unless a suspect was arrested.

In July 1974 the abductions in broad daylight of two women from a crowded beach near Seattle produced five female witnesses who described an attractive young man calling himself “Ted” who had requested their help in unloading a sailing boat from his Volkswagen Beetle. Four of the women had refused; one had accompanied him to his car, but fled after seeing there was no boat. Armed with a detailed description, the police put up wanted posters and a sketch of the suspect was printed in local newspapers and broadcast on television.

Though Ann Rule did not think Bundy owned a car, the description of the suspect matched that of her friend, so she decided to tip off the police. But detectives, who were being inundated with leads, took no action. Bundy continued to kill – and Ann Rule and he remained friends. In early 1976, when he was out on bail after being arrested for suspected kidnapping, she had lunch with him. But it was to be the last time she would see him as a free man. Convicted of kidnapping later that year, he was found guilty of capital murder in Florida in 1979 and sentenced to death.

When The Stranger Beside Me was published in 1980, it became an instant bestseller, eventually running into 32 editions. “He made my career,” Ann Rule recalled, “... yet on a personal level, it was a terrible blow to think I had trusted somebody – would have trusted my daughters to him. Until then, I thought I could really judge aberrant behaviour.”

Ann Rae Stackhouse was born on October 22 1931, at Lowell, Michigan and became fascinated by the criminal mind as young girl, when she spent her summers helping her grandmother serve meals in the Montcalm County Jail in Stanton, Michigan, where her grandfather and uncle were sheriffs. She went on to study Psychology at the University of Washington, but could not cope with the statistical part of the course, so switched to Creative Writing.

After graduation she joined the Seattle police department, but was denied a permanent post due to shortsightedness. Instead, she began to work as a freelance writer for True Detective magazine producing two 10,000-word articles each week under the pen name Andy Stack. In 1971 she started working at the Seattle crisis centre.

Ann Rule published 33 books, with earnings routinely climbing into the millions, of which several were turned into films and television series, including Small Sacrifices (1988), about an Oregon mother (played by Farrah Fawcett) who shot her three children in the hope of pleasing a lover.

But she could never escape Ted Bundy: “I was naive enough when I wrote it in '79 to think 'I’ll write this, and it will be cathartic, and I’ll never have to talk about Ted again’,” she recalled. “And yet, he just fascinated people, and he still does.”

Ann Rule’s marriage to Bill Rule was dissolved in 1972. She is survived by her four children, two of whom were charged earlier this year with stealing money from her.

miércoles, 5 de agosto de 2015

Trail Of Guilt - A season in purgatory

Trail Of Guilt


For nearly a quarter-cenury after 15-year-old Martha Moxley was beaten to death with a golf club in the exclusive Greenwich, Connecticut, enclave of Belle Haven, police were stymied. Finally, last winter, Michael Skakel, son of a wealthy neighbor and nephew of Ethel Kennedy, was indicted for murder. Dominick Dunne, who based his best-selling A Season in Purgatory on the crime, charts his fateful involvement with the case: a rumor heard at the William Kennedy Smith trial, a growing friendship with Martha’s mother, shocking revelations by two informants—and a town that still may hold secrets about a girl’s violent death.

BY DOMINICK DUNNE

They were careless people . . . they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.
—F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby.


On October 30, 1975, a 15-year-old girl named Martha Moxley was viciously bludgeoned to death in the most exclusive part of Greenwich, Connecticut, one of the most exclusive communities in the United States, where rich people live in grand mansions on lush grounds and go to country clubs and yacht clubs and always feel perfectly safe. The girl’s body was dragged 60 or 80 feet and left under a pine tree near her parents’ house, where it was discovered the following day by a schoolmate.

The only thing that said Greenwich about the crime was that the murder weapon was a No. 6 Toney Penna golf club. Martha was struck so hard that the shaft broke into four pieces, only three of which were discovered at the scene of the crime. The grip part, which might have had fingerprints of the perpetrator on it, has never been found. The killer used one of the pieces, which had a sharp point, as a dagger and stabbed Martha Moxley through her neck.

For a lot of people in Greenwich, it was inconceivable that one of their own kind could have committed such a heinous crime. They talked about how some awful transient must have come in from Interstate 95 and killed the poor girl. Behind closed doors, however, a lot of people in Belle Haven, as the exclusive enclave is called, firmly believed that the perpetrator was most likely one of the brothers who lived in the beautiful residence of Rushton Skakel, a widower with six unruly sons and a daughter and a staff consisting of a tutor, a nanny, a cook, and a gardener. Tommy Skakel, then 17, was the last person to be seen with Martha, and they were roughhousing. Rushton Skakel’s very rich family had been residents of Greenwich for three generations. Martha’s parents had been residents for only a little over a year. For a quarter of a century, the murder has gone unsolved. This is not a step-by-step account of the case. This is a mini-memoir of my part in this story many years later.

In 1991, when I was covering the William Kennedy Smith rape trial in West Palm Beach for Vanity Fair, a rumor circulated around the courthouse that Willie Smith had been an overnight guest at the Rushton Skakel house in Greenwich the night Martha Moxley was killed. Although Tommy Skakel, the second son, had been considered a suspect for years, no charges had ever been brought, and the case was at a standstill. In the end the rumor turned out to be bogus; Willie Smith had not been in the Skakel house that night. But my curiosity had been aroused. “What ever happened to that case?,” I asked someone I knew in Greenwich. “Nothing,” I was told. At that point, 16 years had gone by since the murder. “Remind me of exactly what happened,” I said.

A young girl was beaten to death with a golf club that belonged to a set of clubs in the Skakel house. The Skakels had always enjoyed a bad reputation, and Tommy was thought to have been involved. “What happened to the family of the dead girl?,” I asked. They moved away. Then the father died. “Where’s the mother?” Annapolis, Maryland, was the answer. Her name was Dorthy Moxley. Somehow I felt drawn to this woman. I wrote her and asked if I could come and see her. I said I wanted to talk about her daughter’s murder. In those days she was media-shy. She did not ask me to her house. Instead we met at a coffee shop in the Baltimore/ Washington airport. I asked her why she had moved away from Greenwich, since that meant there was no one there to keep the case alive. She said she could not bear to look out her windows at the Skakel house. As she described it, I called it a house of secrets. She said she didn’t know who had killed her daughter, but she was sure that someone in that house either had done it or knew who had. She told me that the day after the murder there were limousines with out-of-state license plates parked in the Skakel driveway. In 1988 she and her husband, David, who was then head of the New York office of Touche Ross, moved with their son. John, to New York. After her husband died and her son married, Dorthy Moxley moved to a condominium in Annapolis.

I had just written three best-selling novels in a row, and they had all been made into TV mini-series. I told Mrs. Moxley that I thought I could write another based loosely on her daughter’s murder, since no facts were known publicly at the time, and it might turn a spotlight on the long-dormant case. She said she wasn’t sure. Then I told her that I too was the parent of a murdered daughter. Our daughters had been born a year apart, and each was viciously attacked by a man she knew on October 30, although in different years. That moment marked the beginning of our friendship. She said O.K., I could write the book.

I changed the murder weapon to a baseball bat, because I didn’t want to be sued by the Skakels. I also changed the family makeup a bit and gave some Kennedy touches to the Skakels, whom I called the Bradleys. I threw in a little of my own large Irish Catholic family, too. All of this was for libel reasons. A Season in Purgatory came out in 1993, and it made the bestseller lists. The CBS Evening News did a long segment on how the book had helped to revive interest in a 1975 murder case in Greenwich, Connecticut. Martha Moxley was soon back in the news, and I was on television quite often talking about her murder. I learned that in certain houses in Greenwich the subject was being discussed again for the first time in years. But no one came forward.


During my book tour for A Season in Purgatory, a tall, handsome, well-dressed African-American woman came up to me in the Tattered Cover bookstore in Denver and said that she had information about the Moxley case. We met later at the Brown Palace Hotel. She was a forensic psychologist, and early on she had been hired by the Greenwich police to work on the case. For some reason, which she did not explain, she either left or was let go. She had with her the autopsy pictures of Martha Moxley’s body, which no one but the police had ever seen. They were large photographs, about 11 by 14 inches, and simply awful to behold. It is one thing to discuss being bludgeoned by a golf club; it is quite another to see the effects of such an attack. One of the blows had taken off a portion of the right side of Martha’s scalp, which was hanging by a piece of skin down over her face. You could see the wound where a short, pointed piece of the shaft had been stabbed into the side of her neck. In one full shot you could see that her jeans had been pulled down. I felt faint. “He had to have been drunk, or stoned, to have done that to her,” I said, not wanting to see any more. I felt that this woman, whose name I did not write in my notebook—at her request—and which I subsequently forgot, knew more than she was telling me. But I liked her. I trusted her. As she was leaving, she said, “It wasn’t Tommy.” She repeated it. Up till then, Tommy Skakel had been the major suspect in the case. I was convinced that he had done it, and had said so on television. Her words haunted me.

Back home at my house in Connecticut after the book tour, I was visited by several members of the police team involved in the Moxley case, including Frank Garr, who had played a major part in the investigation from the beginning. They brought me a Connecticut Division of Criminal Justice coffee mug, a Connecticut State Police plaque for my wall, and a Connecticut State Police T-shirt. They asked me to stop criticizing the police work on the case, which I agreed to do. They said it wasn’t helping in their ongoing investigation. In the pleasant conversation that ensued, I happened to mention that I had seen photographs of the autopsy. They looked stunned. I said someone had shown them to me in Denver. I saw them look at one another, very upset. “She stole those pictures,” one said to another. I do not know the mystery behind that story, but there certainly is one. All my attempts to track down my informant have come to naught.

In May 1996, an excellent mini-series of A Season in Purgatory, produced by Aaron Spelling, David Brown, and Buzz Berger, was telecast on CBS. The network publicized the show every day for a week before it went on, saying it was based on an actual crime in Greenwich, Connecticut. Newspaper stories talked about the real murder in relation to the mini-series. People were soon discussing the case regularly and openly, but there never seemed to be any progress in solving it.

Seven months after the miniseries aired, an extraordinary thing happened. I had a call at my New York apartment from Bernice Ellis, the receptionist at Vanity Fair, who, along with her other duties, monitors calls that come in for the magazine’s writers. She knows how to separate the wheat from the chaff. “It’s about the Moxley case,” she said. “I think you should talk to this guy”

I did, and we made a lunch date for the next day at Patroon, a restaurant on East 46th Street. Carrying a manila envelope, he came into the restaurant wearing jeans and a T-shirt. That wasn’t quite the dress code for Patroon, but they let him in. I hadn’t imagined, talking to him on the phone, how young he was going to be. He was 24, but could easily have passed for 17. A recent university graduate and fledgling author, he had already had an article published in a national magazine. This is the story he told me.

In 1991, Rushton Skakel, wanting to take the spotlight of suspicion off his sons, had hired a private-detective service in New York called Sutton Associates to investigate Martha Moxley’s murder. The agents, who were all former detectives or police officers, signed confidentiality agreements never to reveal anything they learned in the course of their investigation. They were given access to the seven Skakel children and were guaranteed cooperation in a way that the Greenwich police never had been. During the process, Michael Skakel, who had never been a suspect, because he had an alibi that he had been at a cousin’s house watching a Monty Python movie at the time of the murder, changed his story completely. He told the detectives that he had climbed a tree outside Martha’s bedroom window and masturbated. The agency worked for nearly three years on the assignment. My source told me that the bill for the private investigation was $750,000, and I have subsequently heard a figure even higher than that. When it came time to give the results to Skakel, the agency knew it had to put all its findings into a cohesive report that he could read and digest. Through a friend, the young recent graduate got the job of putting the detectives’ findings—from psychiatric reports to interviews—into a narrative form, with a time line and profiles of Skakel family members.

When the report was presented to Rushton Skakel, it indicated that Tommy had not killed Martha Moxley. Michael, the fourth Skakel son, who had never been a suspect, had in all probability killed her. The report suggested that Tommy may have helped his brother move the body. Michael and Tommy were very competitive and fought constantly. Michael had a crush on Martha, so Tommy moved in on his territory. That was the way they behaved. Rushton Skakel, an acknowledged alcoholic, was presumably undone by the findings. He paid the agency, and the report was stashed away, never to see the light of day. But the young man with whom I was having lunch had become emotionally involved in the story he was hired to put together. It was my perception that he had developed an enormous sympathy for Martha Moxley and her mother, and that he was outraged that justice would not be done, that money could make a difference even in a case of murder. Because he was hired several years after the private detectives, no one had thought to have him sign the confidentiality oath. He had read my book and seen me on television, so he secretly appropriated the report and called me at Vanity Fair. Sitting there in Patroon, he handed me the Sutton report.

He was deeply frightened that something bad could happen to him, he said, and he had reason to be. I promised that I would never reveal his name. My plan was to take the report to my house in Connecticut and read it slowly over the next few days before deciding how to deal with the amazing information it contained. But I didn’t keep my word. Before I left for the country, hoping to buoy up Dorthy Moxley’s spirits, I told her I was in possession of some incredible news. I learned from this experience that everyone tells a secret to at least one person, and Dorthy, in her excitement, did just that. The person she told, apparently jealous of my stash, called Sutton Associates and said that some kid who worked for them had given Dominick Dunne the Skakel report. Confronted, the young man felt betrayed and frightened. I felt awful for having caused him so much anxiety.

Rushton Skakel had attended Canterbury, the Catholic boarding school in New Milford, Connecticut, which was then for boys only. I also attended Canterbury. Rushton, or Rush, as he was called, was a few years ahead of me, although I did not know him or even remember him until I saw him at Robert Kennedy and Ethel Skakel’s wedding in Greenwich, Connecticut, on June 17, 1950. I was there not on a direct invitation from the Skakels but as the date of my then girlfriend, Barbara Cahill, who had been a classmate of Ethel’s at Manhattanville College of the Sacred Heart, the school of choice for proper Catholic girls from rich families. We arrived from New York by yacht for the wedding and reception. I remember being dazzled by the beauty of the Skakel estate, on Lake Avenue. The bridesmaids were Skakel sisters and Kennedy sisters and a cousin of Ethel’s. It was the first time I ever saw Rose Kennedy, the wife of the former ambassador to the Court of St. James’s. She wore a silk dress from Paris and carried a parasol of the same material. She was the absolute queen of Irish Catholic society, and people stepped back as she made her way through the nearly 2,000 guests, greeting friends and meeting strangers. Jack and Bobby Kennedy, the best man and groom, in cutaways, already possessed the glamour and looks that were shortly to fascinate the nation. From every point of view, it was a marriage made in heaven, except that, even then, there was backstage trouble between the Skakel and Kennedy families, which exists to this day.

The Skakel money was from Great Lakes Carbon, once one of the largest privately held companies in the world. The Kennedy fortune came primarily from liquor. By some reports, the Skakels were even richer than the Kennedys. Ethel’s father, George Skakel, despised Bobby’s father, Joe Kennedy. In his book The Other Mrs. Kennedy, Jerry Oppenheimer quotes Skakel referring to Joe Kennedy as “low-life, Irish trash.” This love-hate relationship between the families is also mentioned in a book proposal that Michael Skakel wrote in 1998, almost two years before he was indicted for the murder of Martha Moxley. He writes that his maternal grandfather “was betrayed, slandered, and vilified” by Joseph Kennedy.

The Skakels are right up there with the Kennedys in the tragedy department. Ethel and Rushton’s parents were killed in a private-plane crash in 1955. Their brother George was also killed in a plane crash, and his wife choked to death on a piece of meat at a small dinner party. Rushton’s son Tommy, the longtime suspect, was thrown from a moving car when he was four and sustained severe head injuries. Rushton’s wife, Ann Reynolds Skakel, died an agonizing death from cancer in 1973, leaving him to raise his unruly tribe of six sons and a daughter. One of Ann Skakel’s golf clubs was the weapon that killed Martha Moxley.

A lot of people wanted to get their hands on the Sutton report, but I wasn’t willing to share it until the right person came along. My assistant, Arthur Gorton, hid the report so that even I wouldn’t know where it was in the event that a wrong person would come after it. In time I gave a copy to Greenwich detective Frank Garr, because he asked for it. It surprised me that I never heard a word from him after that. It’s not the sort of report you read and dismiss. Despite some of the startling information in it, nothing advanced the case as a result of Garr’s having it. Eventually I came to the conclusion that nothing ever would.

Then another extraordinary thing happened. I received a telephone call from Lucianne Goldberg, who was then a literary agent and whom I had known since I covered the 1984 trial of Claus von Bülow for the attempted murder of his wife, Sunny, in Providence, Rhode Island, for Vanity Fair. The call came several months prior to the arrival in Goldberg’s life of Linda Tripp, with her salacious tales of Monica Lewinsky, blow jobs in the Oval Office, and a semen-stained dress that almost changed the course of American history. Goldberg had become the literary agent of Mark Fuhrman. After he exited from the O. J. Simpson trial in disgrace, Fuhrman had written a book called Murder in Brentwood, a fascinating account of the Simpson case from a detective’s point of view, which had become a best-seller. Fuhrman will always be a controversial character, but he also happens to be one of America’s great detectives. Goldberg said she was looking for an unsolved murder on which Fuhrman could next turn his detective skills for another book. It was a magic moment. “The Moxley case,” I said excitedly. “I have some incredible information that I will give him.”

In some accounts of this story it has been said that I became friends with Mark Fuhrman during the Simpson trial. That is not true. Although I was present in the courtroom each time he appeared on the witness stand, I never spoke a word to him. In fact, I had the same hostile feelings toward him back then that everyone who didn’t want to see race brought into that case had. I met him for the first time through Lucianne Goldberg. I took him to lunch at the Four Seasons restaurant in New York, and people practically fell off their banquettes trying to get a look at him. He came up to my house in Connecticut, where I gave him the Sutton report, and we talked through the case. I called Dorthy Moxley, who agreed to meet with him. He was excited about the story and eager to go to Greenwich and check things out.

I gave a cocktail party for him. I’ve always admired cops, and I hate to see the way they are treated on the stand by defense attorneys at murder trials. I invited several of the local cops and their wives, as well as some O.J. junkies among the weekenders who wanted to meet the famous—or infamous—Mark Fuhrman. I also called to invite Frank Garr, thinking he would be thrilled that another book on the case was in the works. He wasn’t thrilled at all. He declined to come to the party and said he was writing his own book on the case. I was surprised at that, considering that nothing had been accomplished in 22 years. Garr now claims that he was not invited to the party and that he never planned to write a book about the case. What I realized from that call, however, was that Fuhrman was going to get a hard time from the Greenwich police.

I have never regretted giving the Sutton report to Mark Fuhrman, even though it bothered some people greatly. I knew that he would be able to run with the powerful material in the report. Fuhrman is an attention-getter, and people have strong feelings about him. A lot of people hate him, but plenty of others admire him. He was a ruined man after the O. J. Simpson trial, while the man I believe to be the killer of two people walked free. In that courtroom, the charismatic lawyer Johnnie Cochran mesmerized people into believing that to say the n-word was a worse crime than to slit the throats of two people. To me, the two things don’t compare in any way, and I knew for sure that the n-word would never pass Mark Fuhrman’s lips again. Extremely articulate, he knows how to handle himself on television. Nothing throws him. One of television’s great nights was when Fuhrman took on F. Lee Bailey, his tormentor at the Simpson trial, on Larry King’s show. He wiped the floor with Bailey, who had done jail time since the Simpson trial, and who had been taken off after his arrest in leg-irons. I knew that Fuhrman would get on all the television shows and make the name Martha Moxley known throughout the land. He so pissed off the Greenwich police that they virtually kicked him out of town. Everything he did was in the news. He was fearless in his statements about Michael Skakel’s being the killer. And I firmly believe that his book Murder in Greenwich, for which I wrote the introduction, is what caused a grand jury to be called after 25 years.

Stephen Carroll, a detective present at the murder scene in 1975, is one of the heroes of this story. Now retired, he has had an enduring passion to see Martha Moxley’s killer brought to justice. Carroll was one of the few members of the Greenwich police—perhaps the only one—to understand that Fuhrman had the power to make something happen after all those years. Other police officers stopped speaking to Carroll, and he failed to get a seat at the hearings in Stamford this past June, possibly on the grounds that he would be a witness at the trial.

Among the guests at the cocktail party I gave for Mark Fuhrman was a friend of mine, Connecticut state trooper Conrad Winalski, who appears as a character in my novel Another City, Not My Own. Like a great many cops, he is an admirer of Fuhrman’s, and he was up on the details of the Moxley case. Months later, on May 2, 1998, Winalski was on desk duty at the police station in Westbrook, Connecticut, when a man came in carrying a woman’s pocketbook he had picked up on the side of the road along Interstate 95 in nearby Groton. There was a name and telephone number in the bag, and when Winalski called, the owner was thrilled that her bag had been found. For some reason she had placed it on the roof of her truck, and it had blown off when she drove away. Winalski thanked the man who had turned in the pocketbook and asked for his name so that he could enter it into the field notebook. His name was Michael Skakel.

Winalski, shocked, looked at him. “Do you know who I am?” asked Skakel. Winalski said yes, he had read a book about the case. “By that fucking asshole Dominick Dunne?” asked Skakel. He also had some choice names for Fuhrman. Winalski did not tell him that he knew us both. He later quoted Skakel as saying, “If I had time, I’d tell you exactly what happened. You’ll find out. I’m writing a book about it. It’ll come out in eight or nine months.” He was in an amiable, chatty mood, according to Winalski, and he went on to say that he was clean and dry. Winalski said Skakel then said, “Better than anyone, Dunne should know. He’s an alcoholic. He goes to meetings. He understands.” Skakel told Winalski, “People thought I was retarded when I was younger. I went to 13 schools. Finally they found out I was dyslexic.”

The night before Michael Skakel was indicted, I had a call from Dorthy Moxley. Over the years, since our first meeting at the Baltimore/Washington airport, she and I have become friends. My admiration for her strength and sense of purpose in seeking justice in her daughter’s murder is limitless. She said that she had never thought this day would come. “You started it, and I’ll never forget,” she said. We had a little cry over our murdered daughters. She told me I was one of her “angels.” Other of her angels include inspector Frank Garr, Mark Fuhrman, and Newsday reporter Len Levitt, who has pursued the story with fierce determination from the start. Once friendly, he and I had a falling-out over the fact that I gave the Sutton report to Fuhrman, but we are on the same side and always have been. Our friendship was restored during the hearings on the case in Stamford in June. One day I needed a ride to the railroad station, and he offered to drive me. He lives in Stamford and was on his way to watch his son play in a baseball game. I told him a story about my granddaughter, and soon all was right again.

The night before the indictment, I also talked with Fuhrman, who was in New York to appear on Good Morning America and Geraldo Rivera’s show. He said that the great irony was that the Sutton report, for which Rushton Skakel had paid so much money in order to have his son Tommy’s name cleared, was the very thing that had brought about Michael’s indictment. Without it, the case would have been whispered about but ultimately forgotten, as it almost was back in 1991, when I first went to see Dorthy Moxley. A few days later, Good Morning America hired Fuhrman to be a commentator at the upcoming trial and announced it in the papers. A few days after that, ABC fired him. I knew from Fuhrman’s writing partner, Steve Weeks, that he was devastated. He returned to his home in Idaho.

When the hearings were under way, I saw Charlie Gibson, the co-host with Diane Sawyer of Good Morning America, at show-business reporter Claudia Cohen’s farewell party for Kathie Lee Gifford at Swifty’s restaurant. Several of the ABC hierarchy were there. During dinner, Gibson asked me across the table if Mark Fuhrman was at the hearings. I said no. “Was it because of us?” he asked. “I think so,” I replied. He said the reason the show had let Fuhrman go was that there had been complaints from minority members in the news department. He said the situation had been badly handled—things should have been checked out before Fuhrman was offered the job. Although Fuhrman’s extraordinary work on the Moxley-Skakel case has brought about a redemption in his life, there will always be some who can never forgive him.

Fuhrman’s mention of the Sutton report, the night before Michael Skakel’s indictment, made me remember the young man who had removed it from Sutton Associates and given it to me four years earlier. I had never heard from him again, or ever revealed his name, although another writer petulantly did in a book he wrote on the case. I was not sure if he still lived in New York. I dialed the number I had in my notes and recognized his voice on the answering machine. Calling him by his first name, I left a message saying, in effect, “Michael Skakel is going to be indicted tomorrow in Stamford. I want you to know that I consider you the hero of this story. You’re the one who made it happen. What you did was very brave.” About a week later, he left a message on my machine thanking me.

A fascinating and tragic side figure in this story is a man named Ken Littleton. In 1975 he was a 23-year-old graduate of Williams College who taught science and coached sports at the exclusive Brunswick School, which three of the Skakel boys attended. He was hired by Rushton Skakel to be a live-in tutor for his sons and help curb their wild ways. His first night on the job turned out to be the night of the murder.

Early that evening, he took some of the Skakel children to the Belle Haven Club for dinner, since their father was away on a hunting holiday. A few of them, including Tommy and Michael, drank considerably, although they were only teenagers. There is no indication that either Littleton or the club objected. It was the night before Halloween, called “mischief night.” About a dozen friends, including Martha Moxley, went to the Skakel house after dinner. Some of the Skakel boys went over to the house of their cousins the Terriens. No one bothered to check with Ken Littleton whether that was all right, so clearly he was not emerging as an authority figure in the minds of the Skakel brothers. After the body of Martha Moxley was discovered the next day, Littleton became a prime suspect. Nearly a year later he left the house after a falling-out with Rushton, and over the years he was interrogated again and again.

It would have been a great convenience for everyone to blame the murder on the tutor; indeed, the mother of one girl present that evening later went as far as to suggest to the police that Littleton had done it. The experience of that night virtually ruined Littleton’s life. Subsequently he was arrested in Nantucket for grand larceny, breaking and entering, and burglary. He became alcoholic. It is possible that Littleton knew more than he told the police. But there’s one thing I’m sure he didn’t do: he did not kill Martha Moxley.

The woman who pointed the finger at Ken Littleton as Martha Moxley’s killer went to visit Dorthy Moxley at her current home in New Jersey after Mark Fuhrman’s book came out but before Michael Skakel was indicted. She took along her daughter, who had been at the Skakel house the night Martha was murdered. The two women had not seen each other in years. During lunch, the visitor asked Dorthy Moxley, whose friend she had once been, to give up pursuing the case. So much time had gone by, she argued. What good would it do? Hadn’t the Skakels suffered enough? Dorthy Moxley said, “Would you ask that if it was your daughter?” Then the visitors left.

I believe that many people who lived in Belle Haven back then know things about the murder that they haven’t told. I got a call last year from a distraught woman who had just attended her 25th reunion at the Convent of the Sacred Heart in Greenwich. She was horrified that several of the girls who had been at the Skakels’ house on mischief night in 1975 were talking openly about it, telling what they knew and what their parents had known. But none of them wanted to come forward. Best not to get involved, they all agreed.

Last winter I was stopped on the street on the Upper East Side by a man who told me he used to be a good friend of Michael Skakel’s. “Michael told me he was so drunk he didn’t remember whether he did it or not,” the man said. When I asked him what his name was, he walked away. There was no way I could evaluate his statement, even though it would turn out to be consistent with some testimony given at the trial.

This past July, I was browsing in the Northshire bookshop in Manchester, Vermont. A very good-looking woman came up to me and told me she was from Greenwich. “I read Mark Fuhrman’s book and agree with every word,” she said. “My first husband lived very near the Skakels.” It turned out that I had gone to school with her first husband’s brother. “Do you think they’re going to get this guy?” she wanted to know. At the time, the judge’s ruling on whether the case would go to trial had still not come down. Then she said the most startling thing: “I know where the grip part of the golf club is.” “You do?,” I asked, stunned. “A lot of people in Greenwich know,” she said. “Are you going to tell me? It’s very important,” I said. “No,” she replied and left the store.

Three days after Michael Skakel was indicted, Robert Kennedy Jr. was quoted in The New York Times as saying that I had a vendetta and that Mark Fuhrman was in this for the money. The next day a reporter from the Times came to interview me for the “Public Lives” column. She asked if it was true that I had a vendetta. I do have a vendetta against people who get away with rape and murder, although I knew that was not what Kennedy meant. The reporter had just called Robert Kennedy Jr., she said, and he had told her his cousin was not guilty. My feeling was that Kennedy had brought her around to the same opinion, but I do not know that. She said she had never heard anyone speak as badly about another person as Kennedy had spoken about me. That startled me, because to the best of my knowledge I have never met him, although he has ample reason to dislike me because of my coverage of the William Kennedy Smith rape trial and the many Kennedyesque touches in my book A Season in Purgatory. A Hudson River environmentalist, he is often photographed walking about with a falcon on his forefinger. I asked the reporter what Kennedy had said about me, but she declined to tell me, saying it was off the record.

Robert Kennedy’s defense of his cousin surprised me, as did his subsequent appearance on Skakel’s behalf at the hearings in Stamford. In Michael Skakel’s book proposal, which had leaked into the hands of certain members of the press, myself included, he quotes Robert Kennedy as saying about his brother Michael Kennedy, “Oh, my God, he’s just like Willie,” meaning their cousin William Kennedy Smith. Skakel continues: “Questioned further, he tells me that William Kennedy Smith was guilty of rape, that his acquittal was the result of Kennedy power.” (Robert Kennedy denies having made these remarks.) At times, Skakel’s depiction of the family of Ethel and Robert Kennedy is absolutely lethal, although he is admiring of Robert junior’s return to sobriety, which they did together. The much-gossiped-about book proposal had two titles. One version was called Dead Man Talking: A Kennedy Cousin Comes Clean. The second, toned-down version bore the title The Obvious. The proposal, which was submitted to five publishers before Skakel’s indictment, has been scrapped. The book will probably never be written.

When Congressman Joseph Kennedy was planning to run for the governorship of Massachusetts in 1998, he wanted his brother Michael to be his campaign manager. Michael Kennedy ran Citizens Energy Corporation, a nonprofit fund based in Boston which provides heat and fuel for the poor. In Michael Kennedy’s absence, they brought in their cousin Michael Skakel to mind the store. Somewhere along the line, there was a disagreement between the cousins, and Michael Kennedy dismissed Michael Skakel. It is generally agreed that it was Michael Skakel who, in revenge, leaked to the papers that Michael Kennedy was having an affair with a teenage baby-sitter. The news was devastating to the Kennedy family. John Kennedy Jr., then the editor of George magazine, described his cousins as poster boys for bad behavior. Michael Kennedy and his wife, Victoria Gifford Kennedy, the daughter of Frank Gifford, filed for divorce. The father of the baby-sitter, who was a family friend and contributor to the Democratic Party, threatened to sue Kennedy. In 1997, Michael Kennedy was killed in an accident in Aspen while playing football on skis. Joe Kennedy dropped out of the gubernatorial race and later left Congress. “I am a member of a family sick unto death with generations of secrets,” Michael Skakel writes in his proposal.

At a party in New York, I heard from a renowned author with close ties to the Kennedy family that the Kennedys were distressed that Michael Skakel was constantly identified in the press as the nephew of Ethel and Robert Kennedy, because it dragged the Kennedy name into a murder case in which they had no involvement whatsoever. The fact of the matter is, had it not been for the Kennedy connection, this story would not have aroused nearly so much interest. The same person told me that the Kennedys were pressing for a plea bargain so that the case would not go to trial, but that there was a reluctance on the part of Michael Skakel and his lawyer, Mickey Sherman, who seemed sure that Michael would be acquitted. Since my informant had not spoken off the record, I repeated the remarks to several people, and eventually an item appeared in Liz Smith’s column. Sherman called Smith to deny absolutely that there had ever been talk of a plea bargain, which she dutifully printed.

When I arrived at the courthouse in Stamford at 8:30 A.M. on June 28, the word had already been spread to the press by Mickey Sherman that Robert Kennedy Jr. might be attending the session that day. “Maybe even Ethel, I heard,” one journalist said to me, but Ethel was a no-show. Then along came Robert Kennedy Jr. and his brother Douglas. Robert made a forceful statement to the media that his cousin was not guilty. He said, “It is a horrible, unspeakable tragedy, but it only compounds it to blame Michael, who is innocent.”

Kennedy was newsworthy himself that week, because eight of his board members at Riverkeeper, the environmental group he heads, resigned in protest after he secretly rehired a fired board member who had smuggled rare cockatoo eggs into the United States to be hatched and sold as pets. Kennedy sat with the Skakel family during the morning session, gave Michael an in-full-view bear hug at the lunch break, but did not return for the afternoon session. It reminded me of John Kennedy Jr.’s courtesy visit to the William Kennedy Smith trial in West Palm Beach, where he posed for pictures and left, never to return.

Lorraine Murphy, the trial-court administrator who had the terrible job of trying to satisfy the seating demands of the press in the very small courtroom in Stamford, was extremely good to me, and I was well seated for the whole enchilada, never having to share my seat with anyone. Two of my pals from the O. J. Simpson trial were also there. Jeffrey Toobin, who wrote a best-seller about that trial and another about the Clinton impeachment, was covering the hearings for ABC News and The New Yorker. Dan Abrams, who has become a star legal reporter since the Simpson trial, was covering them for NBC News.

For me, one of the most interesting things to observe in a courtroom is the interplay between the families of the victim and the defendant. Dorthy Moxley, her son, John, and daughter-in-law, Cara, her late husband’s sister, Mary Jo Rahatz, the Newsday reporter Len Levitt, and an advocate for Victims Rights sat in the row in front of me. Over the years Dorthy has become very media-savvy, and she is extremely popular with the press. Across the aisle, directly behind Michael Skakel at the defense table, sat the Skakels. Although the Skakel family is famously dysfunctional, four of Michael’s five brothers, his sister, and his brother-in-law gave the appearance of a united family. Tommy Skakel, the longtime suspect, was not present, although his lawyer, Manny Margolis, who has represented him for almost 25 years, was. Michael’s wife was not present. Nor was his father, Rushton Skakel. Rushton, who now lives in Hobe Sound, Florida, with his second wife, did everything possible, including having his lawyers declare him mentally unstable, to avoid testifying before the grand jury. In his book proposal, Michael calls his father an alcoholic and reveals an abiding hatred of him. Curiously, Michael and his wife, the niece of another Skakel lawyer, lived in the same condominium complex in Hobe Sound as Michael’s father, but they have recently purchased a house in Windham, New York, where the Skakel family had a weekend house at the time of the murder.

Because this was a probable-cause hearing, not a trial, there was no jury. It would later be up to the judge, Maureen Dennis, a former public defender, to decide whether there was sufficient evidence to go to trial and, if so, whether the defendant should be tried as a juvenile or as an adult. Skakel was 15 in 1975; he is now 39.

The prosecution called in three former acquaintances from the Elan School in Poland Springs, Maine, who say they heard Skakel confess to the crime. The school, which has a current tuition of nearly $50,000 a year, is, or was, a reform school for the children of the rich. It was a place to send troubled, drunk, drugged kids whose families had given up on them. In addition to whatever else Michael Skakel was, he was a drunk and a drugger when Rushton Skakel sent him there sometime after the murder. When he ran away from Elan, and he did several times, he was always caught and sent back. In his book proposal, Michael Skakel describes Elan as a concentration camp for kids, “where I was subjected to a level of torture deemed unacceptable even for prisoners of war.”

During the hearings, I watched Joe Ricci, the headmaster of Elan, on the Geraldo Rivera show. No tweed sport coat and gray flannels in the New England prep-school tradition for Ricci: he had a shaved head, wore a black shirt and jacket, and sweated noticeably as he answered questions and decried former students of the school who had taken the stand to testify against Skakel. He appeared to be reading his answers off file cards. “I bet Mickey Sherman gave him those answers he’s reading,” said a lady I know, who happens to know Sherman very well. “Doesn’t it sound like Mickey?” Sherman denies having coached Joe Ricci.

John Higgins, who is now 37, described the school as “a place to hide your kids if they bothered you. . . . It was a place for my stepdad to keep me at bay.” After Higgins had been at the school for six months or so, he made the acquaintance of Michael Skakel. They met in their dual roles as “night owls,” guards who kept watch on other students to prevent them from running away. “He related to me he had been involved with a murder,” said Higgins. He said they had talked for a couple of hours. He said that Michael had told him he took a golf club out of a bag and was running through the woods and had a blackout. “He said he didn’t know if he did it. He couldn’t remember if he did it.”

In the jury box, which was in front of me, I could see two sketch artists, who had the best view of Michael, begin excitedly drawing tears on his face. I looked over at him, and although his face was turned away, I could see that he was crying. Soon everyone was staring at him. It was close to lunchtime, and Judge Dennis called a break. As the courtroom began to clear, Michael Skakel stood up and turned to his siblings, his face drenched with tears. His four brothers and his brother-in-law all crowded around him and hugged him. His sister, Julie, who became the mother in the family after their mother’s death, was crying as she kissed Michael on the cheek. Still wrapped together as one, the seven of them moved slowly out of the courtroom into the corridor.

Most people had left the building for lunch. Michael moved away from his siblings, and his face had the look of a man in psychic pain. He leaned forward until he was almost doubled in two, and sobbed uncontrollably. For a moment I thought he might confess. Only once before had I seen a man cry with such utter hopelessness. Jason Simpson, the son of O. J. Simpson from his first marriage, sobbed in that manner on the floor of the courtroom, unable to be comforted by his mother, his sister, or his aunts, on the morning before his father’s acquittal was announced. Later, when my eyes met with Michael Skakel’s, he looked defeated to me. Meanwhile, outside in front of the cameras, Mickey Sherman, in a supremely unclassy moment, with a sneer on his face and a note of contempt in his voice, referred to John Higgins as a moron.

Then a second Elan alumnus, Gregory Coleman, who at the time was in a maximum-security prison in Rochester, New York, for criminal trespassing on his former wife’s house, took the stand. He had been sent to Elan after stealing a television set. He was one of many students who participated in punishing a female student for some infraction he could not remember by beating her with wooden paddles and their hands. “She went into shock . . . urinated on herself [and] defecated on herself,” said Coleman, who was put in charge of guarding Michael Skakel after he ran away. He said Skakel had special privileges—he had a stereo and could listen to music. Coleman once said, “This guy can get away with murder.” He said that Skakel replied, “I’m going to get away with murder. I’m a Kennedy.” Using a golf term, Coleman testified, Skakel said he “drove her skull” after she resisted his advances. On a later occasion, Coleman said, Michael told him that he had masturbated on Martha’s body. During a primal-scream session, Michael Skakel was told to scream, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Coleman’s testimony was another setback for Michael Skakel. Mickey Sherman told the television reporters outside the courthouse that Michael was crying because he couldn’t bear hearing the witnesses lie.

There is something very likable about Mickey Sherman. I have known him, though not well, since 1994, and we have been on Burden of Proof and other talk shows together. He is fun to be with. He’s a regular at Elaine’s, the Upper East Side hangout for the literary set and reporters, and he loves media attention. What Robert Shapiro was to the Simpson trial in matters of publicity, Mickey Sherman is to the Skakel case. One of his close friends is the singer Michael Bolton. In fact, Bolton’s very tall bodyguard served as Michael Skakel’s bodyguard during the hearings in Stamford. The first time I telephoned Sherman, it was to check out a story I’d heard—that he and the model Paula Barbieri were lying side by side on lounge chairs at the swimming pool of the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas, where both were the guests of Michael Bolton, when Paula got the telephone call informing her that Nicole Brown Simpson, her boyfriend O. J. Simpson’s wife, and a man named Ronald Goldman had been murdered the night before. Yes, it was true, Sherman said, but he asked me not to use it. He wanted to be a talking head on television during the Simpson trial, and the public association with Barbieri, whom he had seen only that once, might inhibit that. I didn’t use the information, but now it doesn’t matter. On one of the television shows on which we appeared, he kept saying that the Sutton report was “stolen,” but he made it sound as if stealing it were a worse crime than the murder of Martha Moxley.

I was surprised to run into Sherman in Los Angeles during the Academy Awards festivities this past March. I was having lunch in the coffee shop of the Beverly Hills Hotel with the playwright Mart Crowley when Sherman walked in. We greeted each other, and he sat on the stool next to me. He said he was surprised that I hadn’t been at Michael Skakel’s arraignment, which had taken place a week or two previously. I hadn’t been able to attend. “What did you think of what Michael said to Mrs. Moxley?” he asked proudly. (Skakel had gone up to Dorthy Moxley at the courthouse and told her she had the wrong guy, and his remark made all the papers and newscasts.) I told Sherman what I thought of it. I said, “I thought it was fake and staged, and I’ll bet that you wrote the line for him to say. It was like Johnnie Cochran giving the ‘absolutely 100 percent not guilty’ line to O. J. Simpson. Would you like to hear what Dorthy Moxley thought about that stunt? She was deeply offended. She said to me on the telephone, ‘How dare he come into my space? I haven’t seen him for 25 years, and he’s on trial for killing my daughter. How dare he call me Dorthy?’” You can say things like that to Mickey Sherman, and he doesn’t get mad.

I predicted, quite incorrectly, that Judge Dennis’s ruling as to whether to proceed to trial or not would come down quickly. I felt that I could have arrived at the correct ruling in less time than it took the O. J. Simpson jury to arrive at its acquittal. But the judge took her own sweet time. After two weeks with no word, I went off to Monte Carlo to work on another story of death and mystery. I returned after 10 days. I called my friends in the press. I called the district attorney’s office. There had still not been a peep from the judge.

Then on August 17, nearly six weeks after the conclusion of the hearings, Judge Dennis released her ruling. She wrote about John Higgins and Gregory Coleman, Skakel’s schoolmates at Elan, whose testimony had made him cry in the courtroom, “having observed the conduct, demeanor and attitudes of these witnesses, the court finds them each to be credible.” She said in her 13-page statement, “The court finds that the specific element of intent to cause death has been proven well beyond a mere suspicion.” Mickey Sherman, who happened to be appearing on Court TV on another case at the time the judge’s ruling came over the wire, professed on television not to be surprised. Judge Dennis delayed her decision as to whether Skakel should be tried as a juvenile or an adult. If he is tried as a juvenile and found guilty, he could possibly receive four years at most. If he is tried as an adult, he could receive 65 years, or so Mickey Sherman told Katie Couric on the Today show the next morning. I called Dorthy Moxley for her reaction. “I’ve been patient for 25 years,” she said.

The Cinderella Murder

The Cinderella Murder

Mary Higgins Clark Author · Alafair Burke Author


In a first-time collaboration, "Queen of Suspense" Mary Higgins Clark partners with bestselling author Alafair Burke to deliver a brand new suspense series about a television program featuring cold case murders.

Television producer Laurie Moran is delighted when the pilot for her reality drama, Under Suspicion, is a success. Even more, the program—a cold case series that revisits unsolved crimes by recreating them with those affected—is off to a fantastic start when it helps solve an infamous murder in the very first episode.

Now Laurie has the ideal case to feature in the next episode of Under Suspicion: the Cinderella Murder. When Susan Dempsey, a beautiful and multi-talented UCLA student, was found dead, her murder raised numerous questions. Why was her car parked miles from her body? Had she ever shown up for the acting audition she was due to attend at the home of an up-and-coming director? Why does Susan's boyfriend want to avoid questions about their relationship? Why was Susan so concerned about her roommate's infatuation with a new-age religious sect? Was she close to her computer science professor because of her technological brilliance, or something more? And why was Susan missing one of her shoes when her body was discovered?

With the help of lawyer and Under Suspicion host Alex Buckley, Laurie knows the case will attract great ratings, especially when the former suspects include Hollywood's elite and tech billionaires. The suspense and drama are perfect for the silver screen—but is Cinderella's murderer ready for a close-up?Together Mary Higgins Clark and Alafair Burke deliver an exciting publishing event: the start of a thrilling new series guaranteed to keep you guessing until the very suspenseful end.

All Dressed in White: An Under Suspicion Novel (Under Suspicion Novels)

All Dressed in White: An Under Suspicion Novel (Under Suspicion Novels)

by Mary Higgins Clark (Author), Alafair Burke (Author)


The second thrilling novel in the New York Times bestselling Under Suspicion series following The Cinderella Murder, featuring intrepid television producer Laurie Moran as she investigates the case of a missing bride.

Five years ago Amanda Pierce was excitedly preparing to marry her college sweetheart in a lavish ceremony at The Breakers in Palm Beach. Then, with their guests and families on site, Amanda disappeared.

In present-day New York City, Laurie Moran realizes a missing bride is the perfect cold case for her investigative television series, Under Suspicion. She and her team set out to recreate the night of the disappearance at the Florida resort with Amanda’s friends and family in attendance, hoping to shed new light on the mystery as the series has done in past episodes. With a jealous sister, playboy groomsmen, Amanda’s former fiancé now married to a bridesmaid, and rumors about the “beloved” bride herself, Laurie and Under Suspicion host Alex Buckley quickly realize everyone has a theory about why Amanda vanished into thin air.

One thing is certain: whoever was behind Amanda’s disappearance plans to keep the truth hidden “until death do they part…” The bestselling Under Suspicion series from Mary Higgins Clark and Alafair Burke offers “plenty of intrigue and excitement” (Publishers Weekly, on The Cinderella Murder). Featuring the chilling suspense and elegant settings readers have come to love, All Dressed in White is not to be missed.

Manhattan Mayhem: New Crime Stories from Mystery Writers of America

Manhattan Mayhem: New Crime Stories from Mystery Writers of America

by Mary Higgins Clark (Editor), Lee Child (Contributor), Jeffery Deaver (Contributor), Thomas H. Cook (Contributor)


Best-selling suspense novelist Mary Higgins Clark invites you on a tour of Manhattan's most iconic neighborhoods in this anthology of all-new stories from the Mystery Writers of America. From the Flatiron District (Lee Child) and Greenwich Village (Jeffery Deaver) to Little Italy (T. Jefferson Parker) and Chinatown (S.J. Rozan), you'll encounter crimes, mysteries, and riddles large and small. Illustrated with iconic photography of New York City and packaged in a handsome hardcover, Manhattan Mayhem is a delightful read for armchair detectives and armchair travelers alike!

Death Wears a Beauty Mask and Other Stories

Death Wears a Beauty Mask and Other Stories
by Mary Higgins Clark


A collection of short stories from the #1 New York Times bestselling “Queen of Suspense” Mary Higgins Clark, including the never-before-published novella Death Wears a Beauty Mask.
From Clark’s first-ever published story (1956’s “Stowaway”), to classic tales featuring Alvirah and Willy, My Gal Sunday and many more, Death Wears a Beauty Mask and Other Stories gives readers the chance to revisit the short story highlights from the “Queen of Suspense.” The jewel of this collection is the novella showcasing the dazzling and dangerous world of high fashion in 1970s New York City: Death Wears a Beauty Mask, which Mary began in 1974 and put aside to write Where Are the Children, the book that launched her career. Mary returned to Death Wears a Beauty Mask nearly forty years later and the result is spectacular.

Featuring the same chills and heart-pounding drama we’ve come to expect from a Mary Higgins Clark title, and including an exclusive author’s introduction, Death Wears a Beauty Mask and Other Stories is a spine-tingling read and glimpse into the evolution of the remarkable career of the “Queen of Suspense.”

The Melody Lingers On

The Melody Lingers On
by Mary Higgins Clark


From #1 New York Times bestselling “Queen of Suspense” comes a thrilling novel about missing billions, a disgraced financier, and those determined to learn the truth at any cost…

As the sole assistant to a famous upscale interior designer, Lane Harmon, mother to five-year-old Katie, is accustomed to visiting opulent homes around the tri-state area. A born optimist, Lane finds the glimpse into these gilded worlds fascinating, and loves the reward of exceeding the expectations of their often-demanding owners. When she is called to assist in redecorating a modest townhouse in Bergen County, she knows the job is unusual. Then she learns the home belongs to the wife of a notorious and disgraced financier named Parker Bennett.

Parker Bennett has been missing for two years. He dropped out of sight just before it was discovered that the $5 billion dollars in the fund he had been managing had vanished. Bennett had gone out on his sailboat in the Caribbean. Was it suicide or had he staged his disappearance? The scandal around his name has not died down. His clients and the federal government all want to trace the money and find Bennett if he is still alive. Lane is surprised to find herself moved by Mrs. Bennett’s calm dignity and apparently sincere belief in her husband’s innocence. Gradually, Lane finds herself drawn to Eric, the Bennetts’ son, who is similarly determined to prove that his father is not guilty. Lane doesn’t know that the closer she gets to the Bennetts, the more she puts her life―and her daughter’s life―in jeopardy. With the hair-raising storytelling skill that has made her America’s “Queen of Suspense,” Mary Higgins Clark combines a headline-making financial scandal and a breathtaking tale of deception and betrayal into one of her finest novels.

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead
by Sheryl Sandberg



Lean In--Sheryl Sandberg's provocative, inspiring book about women and power--grew out of an electrifying TED talk Sandberg gave in 2010, in which she expressed her concern that progress for women in achieving major leadership positions had stalled. The talk became a phenomenon and has since been viewed nearly two million times. In Lean In, she fuses humorous personal anecdotes, singular lessons on confidence and leadership, and practical advice for women based on research, data, her own experiences, and the experiences of other women of all ages. Sandberg has an uncanny gift for cutting through layers of ambiguity that surround working women, and in Lean In she grapples, piercingly, with the great questions of modern life. Her message to women is overwhelmingly positive. She is a trailblazing model for the ideas she so passionately espouses, and she's on the pulse of a topic that has never been more relevant.

The Girl With All the Gifts

The Girl With All the Gifts
by M. R. Carey


Melanie is a very special girl. Dr Caldwell calls her "our little genius."

Every morning, Melanie waits in her cell to be collected for class. When they come for her, Sergeant Parks keeps his gun pointing at her while two of his people strap her into the wheelchair. She thinks they don't like her. She jokes that she won't bite, but they don't laugh.

Melanie loves school. She loves learning about spelling and sums and the world outside the classroom and the children's cells. She tells her favorite teacher all the things she'll do when she grows up. Melanie doesn't know why this makes Miss Justineau look sad.

The dirty little eBook of sex quotes by Mark Zedler

The dirty little eBook of sex quotes
by Mark Zedler


The Dirty little eBook of Sex Quotes is the ultimate source for the best sex quotes around.
This eBook is organized into 30 categories for quick easy reference.
This eBook has it all: Dirty Sex, Bisexuality, Money, Chastity, The Tao of Sex, Safe Sex, Relationships and many more categories.
All told, this eBook contains well over 200 of the best sex quotes around. As an added bonus this eBook not only makes for great reading it is also very visually appealing!

Vodka for Breakfast

Vodka for Breakfast by David Gurevich


A saga of love, friendship, life, drugs, and opportunities almost lost on an ex-KGB company man who leads a seemingly decent immigrant’s life of quiet desperation in New York.

“The less people know about you, the longer you live” is the motto of Arkady Prikol — the antihero of this quirky, existential thriller — an aging Russian-Jewish émigré living an uneventful life on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Uneventful until the day he gets a phone call from a man who calls himself Timur. The man who has been dead for 20 years.

Once upon a time Arkady and Timur were best friends and co-workers at a top-secret place called Lab 52, where they designed and tested psychotropic drugs. But soon Arkady and Timur’s camaraderie ran into something greater than all the LSD in their lab. Her name was Lisa. Such triangles don’t end well. Arkady keeps replaying in his mind bittersweet scenes of love, sex, and tenderness, and gradually comes to realize that their torrid romance was not what it seemed. As Lisa broke out of the romantic mold the two friends have tried hard to keep her in, she showed her true colors, and they learned what happens when poetry mixes with political dissent in a Russian girl’s heart.

With his old life trying to catch up with him, Arkady goes on a lam, running from one hideout to another — from the Dominican barrio to a Moldavian bordello in Riverdale and finally to a top-security Mafia “sanctuary” in Brooklyn. As he runs, he keeps searching for the clues to his caller’s true identity, forced to dig into his long-dead past where he suddenly discovers a slim possibility of a future.

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

The Secret Garden
by Frances Hodgson Burnett


What secrets lie behind the doors at Misselthwaite Manor? Recently arrived at her uncle's estate, orphaned Mary Lennox is spoiled, sickly, and certain she won't enjoy living there.

Then she discovers the arched doorway into an overgrown garden, shut up since the death of her aunt ten years earlier.

Mary soon begins transforming it into a thing of beauty--unaware that she is changing too. But Misselthwaite hides another secret, as Mary discovers one night.

High in a dark room, away from the rest of the house, lies her young cousin, Colin, who believes he is an incurable invalid, destined to die young. His tantrums are so frightful, no one can reason with him. If only, Mary hopes, she can get Colin to love the secret garden as much as she does, its magic will work wonders on him.

La agonía y el éxtasis – Irving Stone

La agonía y el éxtasis – Irving Stone


La agonía y el éxtasis narra la vida de un niño de trece años que entra como aprendiz en el taller de Ghirlandaio y se convertirá en uno de los mayores artistas de todos los tiempos: Miguel Ángel Buonarroti (nacido el 6 de marzo de 1475 y muerto el 18 de febrero de 1564), creador del David, pintor de la Capilla Sixtina, arquitecto de la Basílica de San Pedro. El genio destacará en el esplendor y la pasión de la turbulenta Italia del Renacimiento, entre los insidiosos y magníficos Medici, príncipes envenenadores y papas guerreros.

La invención del mañana – Claudia Barzana

La invención del mañana – Claudia Barzana


Buenos Aires, 1860.

El país comienza a consolidarse como tal, empiezan a quedar de lado las luchas fratricidas entre unitarios y federales, pero permanecen las que se dan en las fronteras con los habitantes originarios de la nación. Otra guerra, silenciosa, pero no menos cruel se libra entre el pasado y el futuro, entre la construcción de un país rural y uno urbano, entre el campo y la industria naciente. En medio de ambos, el tren es el vehículo que comunica a la modernidad con lo establecido, a la ciudad con la vastedad campestre.

Como un reflejo de esa situación, Agustín Ledesma, empresario ferroviario, y Ana Gale, hija de una familia afincada en el campo, también tienen un pasado que los acecha, que les impide seguir adelante, con el que deberán saldar cuentas para inventar un porvenir en el que puedan tenerse el uno al otro.

La Favorita – Aurora Garcia

La Favorita – Aurora Garcia


Puso a toda Europa a sus pies con su voz, hasta que la obsesión de un rey la condenó al silencio.

A mediados del siglo xix, en el hospicio de Las Niñas de Leganés, la joven Elena Sanz soñaba que, algún día, llegaría a cantar una ópera en el Teatro Real de Madrid.

Su talento y belleza le hicieron superar todos sus sueños. Gracias a su voz conquistó los escenarios de toda Europa, desde el palco imperial del zar Alejandro II hasta el corazón de Emilio Castelar, que la definió como «una divinidad egipcia» por «cuya belleza hubiera perecido Antonio de Roma». Pero lo que la Bella del Re nunca pudo imaginar es que compartiría el trágico destino del personaje que la llevó a la fama: La Favorita de Donizetti. Al igual que la amante de Alfonso XI, Elena fue desterrada por el amor de un rey, en este caso, Alfonso XII.

Quien siembra viento recoge tempestades – Nele Neuhaus

Quien siembra viento recoge tempestades – Nele Neuhaus


Nada más regresar de sus vacaciones, la inspectora Pia Kirchhoff recibe una llamada de su jefe Oliver von Bodenstein: debe presentarse inmediatamente en Kelkheim, donde han encontrado un cadáver. Asesinato o accidente, el asunto sería banal si no fuera porque la víctima es el vigilante nocturno de la empresa WindPro, recientemente en el punto de mira de todos por su más que polémica construcción de un parque eólico en el Taunus ; proyecto que cuenta con la resistencia de muchos vecinos.

También corren rumores de corrupción y de peritajes falsifi cados. Cuando poco después aparece otra víctima, la Policía se pregunta: ¿Está pasando el culpable por encima del cadáver de quien haga falta para salirse con la suya? Oliver y Pia tienen que enfrentarse a uno de los casos más difíciles de su carrera.

Mujeres de agua – Antonia J. Corrales

Mujeres de agua – Antonia J. Corrales


Bajo la protección de un paraguas rojo, Mena, Remedios y Amanda caminan juntas en las páginas de esta conmovedora historia para demostrarnos que la amistad, el amor, la superación personal, y las ganas de seguir adelante son la clave de la felicidad. Nos enseñan, con cada uno de sus actos, que todas las mujeres de agua son fuertes y valientes.

Porque, Mujeres de agua, es como la vida: un hola y un adiós; jamás un dejarse estar.

Port Isaac – Igor Hernández

Port Isaac – Igor Hernández


La anciana Stephanie es la heredera de una fabulosa mansión en Port Isaac tras el fallecimiento de su hermano James Collingwood, un conocido escritor inglés que aparentemente no tuvo una vida agradable junto a su esposa Matilda, también fallecida.

Está convencida que una misteriosa orden templaria estuvo acechándole los últimos años de su vida, pero, ante la imposibilidad de encontrar prueba alguna, contrata los servicios de Carla Heartway y John Taylor, dos jóvenes historiadores que se instalarán en el pequeño pueblo costero para intentar encontrar alguna pista acerca de la existencia de ese misterioso grupo.

Pese a que tanto Carla como John no creen del todo las palabras de la hermana, no tardarán en descubrir que hay mucho de verdad en las sospechas de la señora, y no serán los únicos interesados en descubrir la verdad acerca de la atormentada vida de James Collingwood.

Una extraña en la playa – Marie Hermanson

Una extraña en la playa – Marie Hermanson


Una extraña en la playa es uno de los mayores éxitos de la novela sueca de todos los tiempos. Ha vendido más de 300.000 ejemplares solo en su país, y ha sido traducida a 12 idiomas. Un thriller bellísimo, magistral, con una original atmósfera, casi onírica. Una auténtica joya.

De niña Ulrika pasó los veranos en Tangevik, una pequeña ciudad costera, junto con su gran amiga Anne-Marie, la hija de los vecinos, hasta aquella noche de San Juan en la que todo cambió para siempre cuando la hermana adoptiva de Anne-Marie, una niña extraña y silenciosa, desapareció en la playa.

Veinticuatro años después, Ulrika regresa a Tangevik y recorre junto con sus hijos los escenarios de su infancia. Se pone de puntillas para mirar por las ventanas de la casa de verano. Todo está tal y como lo recuerda, hasta el más mínimo detalle. Es como mirar por una ventana al pasado y vuelve a revivirlo todo. Dejándose llevar por el recuerdo, Ulrika lleva a sus dos hijos a conocer la playa que fue el lugar mágico de su niñez. Bajo sus pies crujen trozos de conchas azulados y color madreperla. En este lugar se ocultan secretos y la plácida vida está teñida de peligro. Pero Ulrika no es consciente hasta que los niños realizan un macabro descubrimiento en una oquedad entre las rocas…